I am now so fed up with sitting at home doing nothing. It is fucking depressing. I feel like such a fucking waster. My life is on hold till this fucking operation happens and I still haven’t heard anything. On the other hand, deep inside, I don’t even want this fucking operation, but I would rather just get it done with and out the way so I can get on with my fucking life. I am sick of this fucking illness and everything that goes with it. Sorry I’m just having one of those days. I’ve been on the verge of tears most of today for no apparent reason. It doels not help I’ve run out of drugs again, but that’s my own fault. To be honest I couldn’t really give a fuck about them. Sick of having to take tablets everyday and inject every week. Doing all of that and more for 4 years or so and I’m still going to have to have surgery. Excellent. Might just go and drink myself into oblivion. Meh.