About 2 days ago, I had what I would class as a brilliant day health wise. I didn’t have to go to the loo once, I went out and enjoyed myself and had no anxiety attacks at all. I can count days like that on one hand. I know that I didn’t go to the loo a lot due to a raging 2 day hangover during which I ate nothing. So it appears alcohol does have some benefits then! I honestly can’t remember the last time I had a day like that. I went down to my mate Jamie’s house in Wraysbury. Generally chilled out and relaxed, he has a pool there which is a massive bonus. We did intend to go down and work, well I was going to do some writing, but I saw that going out the window as I packed an x box and an air rifle into the back of his car.
So we got down there and off the bat decided to make ample use of his large garden and sunshine by breaking out the air rifle. We dotted some targets around the garden, zeroed the sights and cracked off some pellets. It wasn’t long before we decided to search around for some more “interesting” targets. A quick scout round the shed came up trumps with about 10 aerosols of varying sizes. It was at this point I caught Jamie’s eye and instantly recognised that childish look of mischief, you could practically hear the cogs turning in his head and to be fair I was well on his wavelength. We also then found some sections of steel tubing that some of the cans fit snugly into. Homemade mortar attempt, round 1. We built a small fire with the tube in the middle, with the can inside the tube. It took its sweet time to warm up but there was a more than satisfying bang and can went into orbit. It was probably a bad idea to do this under the Heathrow flight path, but I didn’t hear of any crashes so I guess we’re ok. The masterpiece though was 4 large cans gaffa taped together, a liberal sprinkling of petrol, stand back, light and fire. There was a very impressive fireball and a hefty bang and we narrowly avoided burning down his shed.
So now we had nothing to blow up. So again we had always talked about making a zip line from one of the tall trees. So we recovered some old rope from an attempt at a swing and started to test how much weight it could hold. I snapped it rapidly. At this point Jamie’s next door neighbour, Theo, pops his head over the fence and enquires as to what we’re doing, so we tell him and replied “Hold on a minute I’ve got loads of proper climbing gear and rope you can use.” JACKPOT
We get about anchoring the rope in the tree which Jamie climbed like a monkey on a speed then set about anchoring it to a tree near the ground, Theo pops back over to assist us in rigging up a system of about 3 or 4 pulleys so we could tighten the rope up so it wasn’t slack. Then all that was needed was the addition of a safety line to act as a brake and the knowledge of the nearest A+E. We were ready to rock and roll.
I feel at this point I should mention, I fucking HATE heights! They are one of the few things that genuinely scare the life out of me. So Jamie is back off up the tree like a monkey making it look like a decrepit old woman could do it. Puts his hand through the strap, holds onto it grabs onto it with his other hand and then falls out of the tree and flies down the line. Actually looks pretty cool me thinks.
Balls. My Turn. So I climb up the worlds ricketiest ladder and gradually manage to scramble up the tree avoiding a trip to the hospital so far. I put my hand through the loop of material, held onto it and grabbed it with the other hand. At this point my bum was making noises that only certain breeds of bats can hear. “Just fall out the tree nice and easy” something about that sentence didn’t quite fill me with confidence. Fuck it. I held on for dear life and dropped. Bugger me it was quick. I looked back and realised it was probably only about 25 foot tall at the most. We then changed the pulley we slid on to a faster one and the second time climbing the tree was worse. My legs went to jelly and my arms and hands cramped up but I soldiered on for another go. After that I was done though.
Hadn’t had such a good day in ages